musical-box

Last night I was walking home from the supermarket, and I saw a possum crossing the road. I stopped, made cooing noises at it, like I always do with possums, in an attempt to make it comfortable around me (iunno) and allow it to keep walking. Unfortunately, it saw me and ran back across the road into the path of a taxi. I tried to shout at the taxi to stop, it was only going very slowly as it's a small street, but it was too late. The poor possum was squashed under the rear wheel of the car.

I just can't get the noise out of my head. I dropped my groceries.

The poor thing's head and forelegs were crushed under the tyre, but his tail kept thrashing and his back legs kept trying to walk away. It's been nine and a half hours and I keep replaying the scene in my head. White stuff oozed out of him as his tail stopped flailing around. It kept making squeaking noises, for about 20 seconds.

I have no idea if it was alive after it stopped moving, or if the movement was the result of spasms caused by the brain dying, I just feel so bad. I'm convinced that if it hadn't seen me, it wouldn't have tried to run back across the road. I've been having a hard time getting to sleep because all I can see when I close my eyes is that possum. The one time I got close to any sleep, I had a horrific waking dream where I was the possum as it was crushed. The only thing that could even be considered comforting is that he didn't suffer long. I don't think I would have been able to put him out of his misery. When I got home I was shaking and crying and I felt so sick and distressed.

I'd never seen an animal die in front of me before. I've seen possums after they'd been hit, just flattened in the street, but I'd never actually witnessed it before. I just can't get that crunching noise out of my head.

I've been sick twice. I'm hoping it's not because of what happened. I feel all screwed up inside. I want to burst into tears and scream and cry and completely exhaust myself so I can actually sleep. I haven't been sleeping well the last month or so anyway, so I have no idea if tonight is just another sleepless night, or if it's because of what happened. Ughh if I"m well enough to go to my casual work tonight I'll have to walk past the body. Dreading it completely.

All I can feel is this swirling nausea and pressure behind my eyes.

So my indiegogo campaign fell flat on its face, every job interview I've had since last September has been fruitless and I might even have to move to be able to get steady work.

In August I signed up for this TAFE course, so now I'm doing a Diploma in Hospitality Management through some online place and it's actually pretty good. A lot of the work is really technical so it's challenging trying to find all the appropriate legislature for everything especially when the more legal type questions ask me about specific laws and shit. Christ.

I have a bunch of ideas in my head, I want to make bags, headbands, jointed rag dolls with pretty costumes and maybe even some dresses for myself for this summer.

...I started an indiegogo campaign igg.me/at/musical-box-knits/x/…

Mainly doing it because I need money for supplies so I can sell my items at a market in September.

Any help is appreciated, if you can't donate even $1 then please share this with your friends and get the word out!

Unfortunately something weird happened when I tried to open up my feedback messages to thank everyone for the favourites, watches and llama badges, so they're all gone, but THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO FAVOURITED MY STUFF. The sheer weight of messages made me want to avoid this site altogether lol. I have some new stuff to upload so that'll be up at some point.

Still looking for work, and looking for new orders from my etsy shop, I've only had one lady buy two things and the money would be fantastic. I might start sewing patches onto denim jackets for my more musically inclined friends.