Last night I was walking home from the supermarket, and I saw a possum crossing the road. I stopped, made cooing noises at it, like I always do with possums, in an attempt to make it comfortable around me (iunno) and allow it to keep walking. Unfortunately, it saw me and ran back across the road into the path of a taxi. I tried to shout at the taxi to stop, it was only going very slowly as it's a small street, but it was too late. The poor possum was squashed under the rear wheel of the car.
I just can't get the noise out of my head. I dropped my groceries.
The poor thing's head and forelegs were crushed under the tyre, but his tail kept thrashing and his back legs kept trying to walk away. It's been nine and a half hours and I keep replaying the scene in my head. White stuff oozed out of him as his tail stopped flailing around. It kept making squeaking noises, for about 20 seconds.
I have no idea if it was alive after it stopped moving, or if the movement was the result of spasms caused by the brain dying, I just feel so bad. I'm convinced that if it hadn't seen me, it wouldn't have tried to run back across the road. I've been having a hard time getting to sleep because all I can see when I close my eyes is that possum. The one time I got close to any sleep, I had a horrific waking dream where I was the possum as it was crushed. The only thing that could even be considered comforting is that he didn't suffer long. I don't think I would have been able to put him out of his misery. When I got home I was shaking and crying and I felt so sick and distressed.
I'd never seen an animal die in front of me before. I've seen possums after they'd been hit, just flattened in the street, but I'd never actually witnessed it before. I just can't get that crunching noise out of my head.
I've been sick twice. I'm hoping it's not because of what happened. I feel all screwed up inside. I want to burst into tears and scream and cry and completely exhaust myself so I can actually sleep. I haven't been sleeping well the last month or so anyway, so I have no idea if tonight is just another sleepless night, or if it's because of what happened. Ughh if I"m well enough to go to my casual work tonight I'll have to walk past the body. Dreading it completely.
All I can feel is this swirling nausea and pressure behind my eyes.